Sex Ed: SDK remix
by KinkyEyepatchShit
Summary: Shin, the son of Hotaru, begins a tale of fear, trauma, and humor. Er humor for Akari. Read as he tells the account of his sex education. Thanks to Akari and his horny parents. rated for language and..you'll find out smirk. R&R give it a shot!


Disclaimer: I do not own anything Samurai Deeper Kyo. Shin Rin and Kaien and Miwako belong to be though.

Authors Note: Alright so I've written these drabbles on Live Journal. All you need to know is Shin is the son of Hotaru and Miwako (my oc) and Kaien and Rin are Yuya and Kyo's twins. And these three teens are involved, if ya know what I mean (raises eyebrows and grins perversely) So this is in Shin's p.o.v. Rated for language, sexual themes, implied KyoxHotaru (cuz ya know, I'm still a shipper of this pairing, even if Yuya and Kyo BELONG together dammit!!!) Please have an open mind for this. Por favor? Those that have the balls to flame me, can suck my nonexistent ones. (Nods)

**Sex Ed SDK remix**

You know how little kids find out what the noises mommy and daddy make in the middle of the night really mean? Or the ever suspicious naked wrestling. Usually the little brats are like eleven or twelve. Or older, and their parents sit them down calmly and proceed to tell them about the birds and the bees, and all that good shit.

That's not the way it goes in our house though. Oh no, definitely not. For starters, I was about six. It was a dark and stormy night…and I was quite thirsty. So I got up from my futon and waltzed into the kitchen.

Loud moaning reached my ears, along with the rustle of clothing. I paused by the kitchen doorway, peering into the darkness as the sounds continue.

I slowly make my way into the room, and suddenly collide with something hard, a loud bang resounds as I take a few steps back, rubbing my painfully throbbing forehead,

"OUCH!" I exclaim loudly.

The suspicious noises cease.

"What was that?" murmurs a familiar female voice.

"How am I supposed to know?" replies a male voice in monotone.

"What if it's a robber?" questions the female.

"Miwako…we're both samurai, I think we'll be ok," states the male.

"Did you lock the doors?" demands the female.

A pause.

"Hotaru what the hell is wring with you?! Anyone could just waltz right in here you dumbass!" shrieks the female.

In the darkness I roll my eyes, "Momma I'm not a robber," I say, "It's Shin."

"How am I supposed to know that?" she asks suspiciously.

"Well you have one son, who's name happens to be Shin, and he also calls you momma," I reply, "What are you guys doing in here anyway?"

Another long pause.

"Nothing!" chirps Miwako, my mother.

"If you're doing nothing, then what were those noises? And why are the lights off?" I ask curiously.

"Stop asking so many damn questions and go to bed!!!" she shouts, and coupled with the boom of thunder and bright flash of lightning, I jump about five feet in the air.

Miwako's angry face was illuminated in the light, gray eyes wide, dark hair even high lighted blue.

"Why are you still awake anyway?" asks Hotaru, my father.

"I was thirsty!" I exclaim, a jolt of fright surging through my body. A moment later, a cup is thrust into my open hands,

"Here! Now go to bed!" Miwako snaps, abruptly grasping me by the shoulders, turning me around and shoving me out of the kitchen.

"Fine! But you're explaining everything to me in the morning!" I state, stumbling out of the room.

They explained everything alright. Technical details and 'helpful' comments included. I believe my parents should be forbidden from giving sex ed discussions. Period.

Especially after I'm left sitting at the dinner table, unmoving and wide eyed as those monsters I call parents make conversation as if nothing happened. I mean I was sitting there mouth wide open and food tumbling down my chin and onto the floor. Chopsticks long forgotten, dropped on the floor.

"So Yuya came over today and told me that Akari is coming for a visit," Miwako states, directing her gaze at me, "I'll let her explain everything else to you."

"T-there's more?" I squeak weakly.

Miwako laughs. That's right, she freaking laughs, "Stupid brat, Akari's the expert!"

I stare at her for a moment.

"I heard she once had an orgy for a month at a brothel," states Hotaru slowly.

"Wait, we didn't tell him about orgies," says Miwako.

I abruptly rise from my seat and flee.

When Akari comes to visit, I had told myself that I should have just kept running, never looking back. She explained every steamy, sexy detail.

"Orgies are wonderful things!" she states dreamily, clasping her hands together with a flush to her cheeks.

I stare slack jawed.

"Akari-chan, have you ever tried to have sex with our papa?" questions Rin, her hand raised as if in the classroom.

Kaien stares disapprovingly at his sister, crimson brows knit in a frown.

Akari blushes redder, "Oh Rin-chan! You shouldn't ask such questions!" she coos.

"AKARI-SAN!" exclaims Shiina Yuya, the mother of Kaien and Rin, and also the wife of Demon Eyes Kyo.

Yuya was red faced and furious, emerald eyes dancing with rage.

Let me set up the scene for you.

Akari had come to visit, I told ya that right? The only reason she was staying with us, and not like Uncle Shinrei or anyone else, is cuz everyone else volunteered our house. Bastards.

So Kyo and Hotaru were sitting at the table, drinking sake while Rin Kaien and I sat on the floor, gathered around the pink haired shaman.

Miwako was in the kitchen, attempting to make some food. Alright, I knew, even then as a naïve little six year old, she was probably smoking and reading a magazine or something. Biding her time.

"Akari-san, they're only six, we don't need you to talk to them about sex!" states Yuya, crossing her arms over her chest.

Her attention focuses back on Kyo, "WHY would you let her tell them about that?!" she demands.

Kyo shrugs, "I don't see the harm."

Hotaru nods, setting down his sake cup, "They'll be fine. At least they won't find out during sex like I did," he says in agreement.

An awkward silence follows that statement. Kyo begins to open his mouth in question, then decides against it.

"Did you even hear the question your daughter asked?" pipes up Yuya, seemingly ignoring Hotaru's comment.

Kyo glances at Rin, "What did you ask?" Of course he wasn't paying attention. Typical Kyo.

Rin was more than eager to repeat her question, "Did Akari-chan ever try to have sex with you?"

By that time, I was pretty much adding this experience to the repressed memories box, along with that trip to Kyoto, and that one time Hotaru got lost in the forest.

Ok, I take that back, he gets lost in a lot of forests.

Kyo blinks, "Probably." And the alcoholic goes back to his sake. That starts a fresh argument of course.

Suddenly, I feel a hand slip itself into mine, and I'm pulled to my feet.

"Let's get out of here before the stories start," says Kaien, guiding both Rin and I out of the house and into the back yard.

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Once seated behind a thick green bush, the first thing out of Rin's mouth is,

"I bet Akari-chan and papa went at it!" Yeah. That came out of a six year old.

Kaien stares at her, probably wondering how this little girl could possibly be related to him, let alone be his twin.

I shake my head, trying to rid my mind of such images.

"One, who gives a crap? The old man is married to Kaa-san now, plus, it's not like Akari and tou-san can have babies," explains Kaien.

Rin blinks in confusion, "Why not?"

Looking closely, I can see a tick mark pop out on Kaien's forehead as he rounds on his sister, "Because Akari is a MAN you idiot!"

My eyes widen in alarm, not because I had found out Akari was a man for the first time. No, I already found that out when I walked in on her taking a piss. But that's another story for a different time.

No, if Akari heard any mention of her having a penis status, she would down right come after you. The only one who could say it is Kyo.

"Really? Cuz I've always been confused about that." Pipes up a new voice.

The three of us jump about ten feet in the air as Hotaru randomly appears beside us, idly poking a little furry purple caterpillar.

"UWAH!" we scream in unison, scooting back a few feet in the grass with wide eyes.

"W-what are you doing here?! Aren't you supposed to be inside joining in the argument?" I stutter.

Hotaru shrugs and a moment of silence passes. Damn, these silent moments happen a lot, and it's getting annoying.

"What am I supposed to be joining on again?" he asks, head tilted to the side inquisitively.

The three of us kids sweatdrop. I myself question my relation to this ditzy man.

"Anyway, you mean to tell us that you don't know whether or not Akari is a woman or a man?!" demands Kaien.

"Akari-chan's a very misleading person sometimes. Plus, I didn't peek on her when she was bathing like Akira and Bon did," was Hotaru's defensive statement.

"You've known her for at least thirteen years!" snaps Kaien, left eyebrow twitching with irritation.

"You're full of secrets today, aren't you?" I comment.

"Thirteen years? I thought it was four?" murmurs Rin, and she then proceeds to count the years on her fingers. Yeah Rin wasn't the sharpest kunai in the box then, and she certainly isn't now.

Kaien sighs, "Whatever. I'm done with you morons."

The shouting from inside rises in volume, and I think I can clearly hear the start of one of Akari's 'romantic' stories, and Yuya's polite but strained reply for her to shut the hell up. But of course, Yuya is sort of polite, so she's subtle. Not that my family knows anything about that.

"I wonder how long we have to be out here?" whines Rin, twirling a long crimson lock of hair between her fingers, "I'm hungry." To prove her point, a low gurgle resounds.

A rice ball is suddenly thrust under her nose.

"Here, eat this," says Hotaru.

Rin narrows her eyes suspiciously, "Was this the hand you poked that caterpillar with?"

He shrugs, "I dunno. I wasn't really paying attention."

Rin sputters indignantly, "Why you!"

I sigh, "Calm down," I scrounge around in my pocket, "and stop whining." I then push a paper fortune teller into her hands. (A/N: duh, there were none of those back in the day. They're fun tho!)

She stares at it for a second, and then looks up with a glare, "I can't eat this!"

I roll my eyes and state, "Well duh. Play with that, it'll keep your mind off food."

The redhead sends on last disbelieving look at me, then starts to shift the fold of paper, "Hotaru, pick a color," she commands.

We spent most of the afternoon behind that bush, ignoring the arguing coming from inside.

"The final answer is," Rin slowly lifts the last tab, "You stink!"

Hotaru blinks, and bends his head over to sniff his shoulder, "No I don't" he mutters.

"This is stupid," grumbles Kaien, folding his arms across his chest sourly.

I shrug, boredly chewing on a piece of grass, eyes half lidded, "At least we're not in there. Kyo and Miwako are in the middle of it."

"I'm not in the middle of anything," states a familiar voice.

With the exception of Hotaru, we all jump in surprise once again, screaming at the top of our lungs, "AHHHHHHH!!!!"

Kyo stands there, one hand in the fold of his yukata (A/N: Che, that is WRONG I bet…er the name of the clothing piece), long slim fingers on the other hand holding his pipe.

"Don't DO that!" shouts Kaien, glaring at the older redhead fiercely.

Kyo merely raises an eyebrow, takes the pipe from between his lips, and blows smoke rings into the air.

"Where's Miwako?" asks Hotaru.

"She's not my woman," replies Kyo. That's his explanation for just about everything.

"Hopefully not making an even bigger scene," I mutter.

Suddenly, a familiar shout carries through the air,

"Alright that's it! Yuya, stop shouting, you know Akari likes to get you riled up and brag about shit! And Akari, stop being a bitch!"

There's a long, tense silence. The three of us kids and the two adults (with the exception of Kyo, cuz I mean he never really looks surprised. It'd ruin his badass image or some dumb shit like that) were wide eyed.

The back door slams open with a bang against the wall, "Hotaru get your ass inside and help me clean these dished!!!" screams Miwako, "And bring the brats and Kyo inside too!" she adds.

Hotaru blinks, "How did she know I was out here?" he murmurs.

"Because we lock the gate so you can't get out and wander around town, like that one time!" Miwako shouts in reply.

Yeah, Hotaru's like a puppy that wanders away from home (via a gate having been left open).

The rest of the night was more or less pretty uneventful, other than the Akira 'baby' stories Akari had to tell, and then she got drunk and hit on Kyo right in front of Yuya. Now remember when I said Yuya was polite? Oh, and she never gets jealous. Well that's a damn lie. She gets pissed as hell. Super pissed. But she knows to be polite, because of Akari gets mad, things will go to hell and a hand-basket real quick. (Is that even the saying?)

I would say Miwako was pissed too, but then again, she's always angry and yelling.

The more I think about it, the more I come to realize that the whole sex talk may have been a good thing. I mean I do constantly fool around with two other people, not to mention they're twins. Plus, I know what to expect from my parents. Most of the time. Anyway, let's fast forward about twelve years. Present time.

And take this morning for example. The craziness in my life.

I wake up lying on my stomach, ass in the air as usual, and I tell myself that maybe it's time to take Kaien by surprise and take a turn at being seme. I then remember that it's a lot more work, and dismiss the idea altogether.

So I finally get up and march sleepily to the bathroom (after about ten minutes of sitting there looking stupid) and do my thing: take a piss, etc.

After that I cautiously enter the hallway, ear strained for any sudden noise or movement. Like a ninja. Actually, Sasuke tells me it's kinda hard being a ninja and all. So I gave up the whole 'Oooh I want to be a ninja when I grow up, like Sasuke-niisan' real damn quick (at the age of eight, soon after almost being stabbed in the eye with a shuriken). Besides, I'm hella lazy.

Upon entering the kitchen, I spot my disheveled father sitting at the table in just a pair of pants (crumpled and wrinkly), slowly sipping something (probably sake. Kyo's gotten himself a new drinking buddy as of late).

He finally notices me after I'd been standing there for about ten minutes,

"Oh, good morning Shin," he says in greeting.

I shake my head at his clueless-ness, and join him at the table.

"Kaa-san mounted you while you were sleeping again, didn't she." I deadpan.

Hotaru peers down at his crotch, "Yes, I believe so. Unless someone broke in and screwed me in the middle of the night," he replies.

A moment of silence hangs in the air.

"Were all the doors and windows locked?" he then proceeds to ask.

"You're a dumbass," I reply.

Footsteps approach.

"Hey Hotaru, ready for round two?" purrs Miwako, as she waltzes into the room in nothing but a damp towel wrapped sloppily around her figure. Beads of water drip down her long raven black hair and onto the wood floor below.

"I really don't want to hear this," I mutter.

"Oh, so that was you Miwako?" pipes up Hotaru, finally coming to the realization that no, he wasn't raped by some random robber, he was just…raped by his wife. What is this world (no, this damn family) coming to? Oh wait; I forget who we are sometimes.

Miwako rolls her eyes, "Of course it was me, who else would it be, Kyo?"

Hotaru opens his mouth to reply, but I cut him off, "Seriously you guys, that's kinda nasty." I don't want to think about my 'more than friends with benefits' father and my own going at it like wild beasts or something. Ya know I bet Kyo looked a lot like Kaien back in the day (but without the pretty green eyes).

My eyes widen. Nonononono! Bad thoughts. Ok, think of something totally nasty Shin, like uh, Bon in a dress, yeah that's right, Bon in a dress… or better yet Okuni without a dress on. Hmm, now that's a nice thought. Look, its fine to secretly imagine one of your friends' hot mother stripping in front of you. I mean the old hag is…well old, but damn she's hot.

"Huh, that coming from the brat who has threesomes frequently? I guess it was a good idea to teach you that stuff early," comments Miwako, an eyebrow raised at me. She strolls over to Hotaru and drapes herself gracefully on his lap,

"Well whatever, it's time for you to run along now brat. Mommy and daddy want to have some quality time together," she adds, pressing herself against Hotaru's chest and craning her neck forward and swirling her tongue around his gauged earlobe.

Hotaru blinks in confusion, "Huh? I don't get it." Really. Who'da thought?

Miwako face-faults, "Sex you idiot! We're gonna have sex! Jesus Christ, I don't know why I put up with your dumbass sometimes!" she exclaims.

"Oooh." He murmurs in realization.

I rise from my seat and flee. I seem to be doing a lot of that lately.

….Another thing, how exactly DID my parents get together? Cuz all she does is yell at him, and he just acts like a dumbass and hides from her, and then they fuck like bunnies.

Yeah, the sex must be amazing.

I must have been thinking about this for awhile, ok not about my parents doing it, about random shit, because I suddenly find myself in front of Kaien and Rin's house, staring at their door.

The door slides open. Four arms reach out from the dim light inside the house and pull me inside.

"I thought you'd NEVER come! What took you so long!?" whines Rin, tugging at my shirt. A second later, it's abandoned on the floor.

"I was reminiscing," I reply, getting an eyeful of her naked body. "Have you guys been walking around the house naked all day?" I then ask.

"You were taking forever," states Kaien, pulling me and Rin upstairs to his room, "Plus, the parental units aren't home."

I roll my eyes as they both push me inside. I stumble back and land on the futon on my back actually.

"Always looking for an excuse to be naked," I tease with a smirk.

Kaien tugs at the ends of my pants, successfully pulling them off, cold air hitting my exposed nether regions.

"It makes things go quick," he replies, covering my body with his, nudging my legs open with a knee.

"How come you get to go first!??" Rin cries out indignantly.

"Cuz I'm older!" snaps Kaien distractedly.

"Only by two minutes you bastard! And you ALWAYS use that as an excuse!" shrieks the female, stamping her bare foot on the floor.

Oh yeah, I would definitely have to thank someone for the sex Ed talk at age six. Not Akari though, cuz she'd ask for all the steamy details. Not only is that incredibly embarrassing, she'll go out of her way to share her own sexapades. Then again, I guess this is just one of the many examples of how this…giant ..family-type group works.

"AHHH! Don't sneak attack my asshole you jerk!"

"Oh quit your whining, you're such a bitch."

"I am not! You just surprised me!"

"See, that's why I should go first!"

"Shut up!"

"Make me!"

This'll get settled. Eventually. At least I can take care of my own little problem while they're distracted.

"Shin, quit that!" Someone, I'm not exactly sure if it was Rin or Kaien, takes my hand away, but they both stare at me with what I call their predators' eyes.

Damn, I'm in for it now.

Better lay back and relax I guess…Don't get me wrong, I'm nobodies bitch…Ok, maybe just a bit. Whatever, I don't give a shit; I'm getting some either way.

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Tis the end! What did ya think? Yeah I know I switched between tenses AGAIN I don't know why I keep doing that when I'm writing a specific characters p.o.v it's odd! But please don't let that make you like this less. Lesse…now Miwako is modeled after someone I kno (I just don't remember who it IS), and I'm pretty happy with her personality. Oh and the Okuni being Shin's friends mother is mentioned cuz in my drabble series, well the sly fox got over Kyo (mostly) and had a kid. He's uh respectfully more like his father. Hmm, people were OOC, and if you were confused, then sorry. No flames please and uh review!!

HotIceRed


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